He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
