All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
