Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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