You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize