I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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