I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
