i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
