And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
