dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
