If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
