I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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