Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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