no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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