I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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