Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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