Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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