Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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