How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
