Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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