Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
