Too much gin, very little bucket
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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