it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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