If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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