yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was born a porn star she said
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
