so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
