honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
