at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
