So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
