Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
