we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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