So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
