I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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