yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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