tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
