found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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