Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
