Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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