This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
