My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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