so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
