i don't like sucking hair
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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