drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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