I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
