i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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