I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
