im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
