I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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