Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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