Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
