sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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