Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
