brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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