whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
