Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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