We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
