dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize