who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
