Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
