Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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