And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
