so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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