She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
