Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
