this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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