Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
