my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
