So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
