Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
