ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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