Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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