you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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